110: Why Many Women Play the Wrong Role in the Relationship (Pat Allen Book Review)

Join Kelly's Reclaimed program and membership hereIn this provocative solo episode, Kelly unpacks the life-altering insights from Pat Allen’s classic book Getting to “I Do”. Drawing from her own experience and years of clinical observation, Kelly explores the often uncomfortable—but liberating—truths about masculine/feminine dynamics, romantic polarity, and the myth of the “career woman.” She breaks down why women’s power lies not in doing more or achieving more, but in mastering the art of the “no,” cherishing themselves first, and choosing the dynamics that truly serve their deepest desires.Whether you’re single, dating, or married, this is a blueprint for reclaiming your feminine essence and reshaping your relationship reality—without another strategy, seduction tactic, or self-help checklist.You’ll Learn:How polarity clarifies power dynamics in romantic relationshipsWhy seeking both respect and cherishing can sabotage intimacyHow to choose between being a career woman or a woman with a careerWhat the “five-second gaze” reveals about feminine initiation and nervous system capacityHow withholding sex until commitment rewires relational self-worthWhy honoring your “no” is the ultimate feminine flexWhat happens when women unconsciously reject the men they claim to loveHow emotional and intellectual pedestals define partner rolesWhy many high-achieving women feel resentful, bitter, or overwhelmed in relationshipsWhat asking for more love or attention signals about relational misalignmentTimestamps:[00:00] Introduction[01:00] Why modern relationships are struggling[01:58] Difference between being cherished and respected[03:05] Why demanding both respect and cherishing doesn’t work[04:00] Choosing your relational orientation[05:02] The meaning of a woman with a career vs a career woman[06:00] The gaslighting of career fulfillment[07:02] Honoring the power of your no[08:00] Why sexual access should come after commitment[09:05] Defining commitment[11:02] Living from your pleasure and feminine gifts[12:00] How to stop chasing femininity and power[13:02] Why you should not ask a man for more love or attention[14:00] Traits of a cherished woman[15:03] Traits of a respected partner[16:00] Why respected partners focus on giving[17:02] Red flags in dating and complementarity[18:00] Manipulation and mother wounds in relationships[19:00] How projection blocks intimacy[20:00] Staying until you reach apathy and empathy[21:02] Signs a man is truly committed[22:00] Why early stages of dating matter[23:00] Applying these ideas to marriageResources Mentioned:Inspiration derived from this book by Amy LoftusGetting to 'I Do' by Pat Allen and Sandra Harmon | Book or AudiobookDr. Christiane Northrup | Website Vital Mind Reset by Dr. Kelly Brogan | WebsiteLaura Doyle | WebsiteFind more from Kelly:Instagram: @kellybroganmdWebsite: kellybroganmd.comJoin Kelly's monthly membership, Vital Life Project here.Get Kelly’s new book The Reclaimed Woman here and join the companion program, Reclaimed, here.👉🏻 Want to start a podcast like this one? Book your free podcast planning call here