Ep. 107: The Shadow of Righteousness: How My Need to Be Right Was Blocking True Connection

Shadow Work, WTF? - A podcast by Caitlin Hosking

Categories:

In this vulnerable episode of Shadow Work, WTF?, Caitlin shares her recent breakthrough around righteousness – a protective pattern she developed after narcissistic abuse that eventually became a barrier to authentic connection. She walks through her process of recognising, understanding and integrating this shadow without abandoning her core strength of conviction.


This episode is for you if:

  • You find yourself getting defensive or combative when others disagree with you
  • You've been told you're "always have to be right" in discussions
  • You struggle to allow others to have different opinions without it feeling threatening


What we'll cover:

  • How righteousness often develops as protection after gaslighting or emotional abuse
  • Why both cognitive understanding AND bodily release are essential for integration
  • The process of honouring protective parts while transforming how they manifest


If you've ever struggled with black-and-white thinking, found yourself dying on every hill in an argument, or noticed a pattern of righteousness in your interactions, this episode offers a roadmap for understanding the deeper "why" behind these behaviours – and how to begin shifting them without abandoning your core values.


Key Points and Timestamps:


09:10:00 - The Shadow Emerges

  • The contradiction between Caitlin’s strength (emotional safety) and weakness (inflexibility with opinions).

18:09:00 - Meeting the Protector

  • Connecting with the part that developed righteousness as protection after abusive relationships.

29:26:00 - Resourceful vs Unresourceful Patterns

  • How protective mechanisms that once saved us can later create disconnection.

45:22:00 - The Partner Conversation

  • The vulnerable conversation that triggered deeper awareness and processing.

54:05:00 - Recap of the Shadow Alchemy Process

  • Key components: awareness, body connection, gift recognition, and integration.


Connect with Us:

Loved this episode? Share your takeaways on Instagram and tag me at @shadowalchemycoachingacademy.

Visit the podcast's native language site