Ep. 107: The Shadow of Righteousness: How My Need to Be Right Was Blocking True Connection
Shadow Work, WTF? - A podcast by Caitlin Hosking

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In this vulnerable episode of Shadow Work, WTF?, Caitlin shares her recent breakthrough around righteousness – a protective pattern she developed after narcissistic abuse that eventually became a barrier to authentic connection. She walks through her process of recognising, understanding and integrating this shadow without abandoning her core strength of conviction.
This episode is for you if:
- You find yourself getting defensive or combative when others disagree with you
- You've been told you're "always have to be right" in discussions
- You struggle to allow others to have different opinions without it feeling threatening
What we'll cover:
- How righteousness often develops as protection after gaslighting or emotional abuse
- Why both cognitive understanding AND bodily release are essential for integration
- The process of honouring protective parts while transforming how they manifest
If you've ever struggled with black-and-white thinking, found yourself dying on every hill in an argument, or noticed a pattern of righteousness in your interactions, this episode offers a roadmap for understanding the deeper "why" behind these behaviours – and how to begin shifting them without abandoning your core values.
Key Points and Timestamps:
09:10:00 - The Shadow Emerges
- The contradiction between Caitlin’s strength (emotional safety) and weakness (inflexibility with opinions).
18:09:00 - Meeting the Protector
- Connecting with the part that developed righteousness as protection after abusive relationships.
29:26:00 - Resourceful vs Unresourceful Patterns
- How protective mechanisms that once saved us can later create disconnection.
45:22:00 - The Partner Conversation
- The vulnerable conversation that triggered deeper awareness and processing.
54:05:00 - Recap of the Shadow Alchemy Process
- Key components: awareness, body connection, gift recognition, and integration.
Connect with Us:
Loved this episode? Share your takeaways on Instagram and tag me at @shadowalchemycoachingacademy.